Continued

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 it is great to resee that I am part of God's plan. "who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began" 2 Timothy 1:9
Give me peace and the ability to pursue this calling.

God is Good

I am enjoying life. A lot. It has been tough and much hard work recently but I am beginning to have some joy. Zac has been working on his creed and being involved with him working that out, listening, and having new perspectives from new people. Last month is in the past as a bright new future is opening up to me, although it perhaps is not the future I planned for. Now to preface things; this'll be fun. With difficulties last month, it was refreshing to be at church one Monday night when we laid hands on Loni and Aaron as we sent them off to their Mission field in Israel. This was the first time I met Aaron and she was an interesting new perspective. She was very enthusiastic about going and very willing to talk to me about her life. As we were talking, I thought to myself how I never had a desire to go to the mission field, and seeing her so bubbly I concluded well I guess certain people types are called to the field and I'm not one of them. Suddenly, God boldly challenged that, it was like he opened a book and pointed to a fact I didn't know. It was evident at that point that I needed to work my way toward a mission project and becoming prepared for that. Now this is scary to me for many reasons, it was not one of my random ideas, otherwise I would have quickly dismissed it as silly. 1. I have never moved out of Riverside. This has always been my home and I love it here. Even the idea of moving somewhere else after college is destabilizing and frightening. 2. Missions I thought I would always support financially not by going, I thought there would be more effective workers out there; "I'm working to be a counselor psychologist I can't evangelize on the front lines, its not my style." Yet that was immediately dismissed because other frontline workers need counseling as well as those who I may witness to. 3. Its not part of the plan. Teddy has been heading up a plan to have the group of us from becuzwecan.com create a neighborhood, stick together our whole lives, and create profitable endeavors in order to affect others positively through the businesses or financially by sponsoring missions. 4. I'm still dirt poor. "How can I afford to go on missions?" God will provide of course, but it is still unsettling because I am going to be in debt as I get out of college most likely so it will take a long to be financially able to go. So right now things with that are up in the air. I have been keeping my eyes peeled for confirmations and have seen some. A friend Megan sent me a verse text randomly from Jeremiah to the effect of "be ready to go wherever  you are needed" (I don't remember the reference >.<). Then I meet a girl Stephanie who will be going into the mission and I can most likely get information off of. Then Johnathan, I meet, and he did a study abroad, which isn't missions but it is a showing of possible avenues.
Things I keep in my mind while having this new directive.
This could simply be a tool temporarily to guide me to a path I need to explore to grow.
It might take a while to be able to go, or it might be soon; I must be a ready worker.
With this plan not "fitting in" to my current plan it will make me have to be bold and strong in how I present it to my friends.
I also am a little worried simply being over excited about missions and wanting to join the bandwagon without being ready.
So with this new more direct purpose in my holster I am more energized because it is something I can work towards. With my current situation it is rare for me to find times to help others because I am simply not around people. With this as well as some other services I have done I am seeing that I am bearing spiritual fruit. It is so wonderful. I feel like I have been dormant for so long perhaps and now as spring comes I have prepared myself by shedding and becoming more balanced, less worried, and ready to listen. My gardening business has gotten work, my spiritual side has gotten work, and my relationship with my dad has been improving. I was worried about the future, (and I knew I shouldn't have been but it was difficult to stop) There are so many things to be grateful for that the hardships of last month seem but a small speck and the future not something to be feared but challenged and the best hoped for. Proverbs 12:25 "Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad." this is so true. This is the happiest I have been in I would say several years. Though I do not see exactly I sense God is working in His perfect timing to guide all of us to where we need to be.