Stories Of Myth

So I have decided to have the blog not be so much about emotions but more towards documenting events in my life, because so often I am blessed by God and yet so often emotions detract from that. In the queue to document as by the request of my family are: 
Running out of gas on the La Sierra Hill
Riding then fording and walking to CBU

Other ones that should be documented

Sleeping in my car because I was locked out
Sleeping at school to finish a paper

I also need to figure out how to thank a friend that has helped me out so much although I see this person so little. She is a treasure.

Continued

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 it is great to resee that I am part of God's plan. "who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began" 2 Timothy 1:9
Give me peace and the ability to pursue this calling.

God is Good

I am enjoying life. A lot. It has been tough and much hard work recently but I am beginning to have some joy. Zac has been working on his creed and being involved with him working that out, listening, and having new perspectives from new people. Last month is in the past as a bright new future is opening up to me, although it perhaps is not the future I planned for. Now to preface things; this'll be fun. With difficulties last month, it was refreshing to be at church one Monday night when we laid hands on Loni and Aaron as we sent them off to their Mission field in Israel. This was the first time I met Aaron and she was an interesting new perspective. She was very enthusiastic about going and very willing to talk to me about her life. As we were talking, I thought to myself how I never had a desire to go to the mission field, and seeing her so bubbly I concluded well I guess certain people types are called to the field and I'm not one of them. Suddenly, God boldly challenged that, it was like he opened a book and pointed to a fact I didn't know. It was evident at that point that I needed to work my way toward a mission project and becoming prepared for that. Now this is scary to me for many reasons, it was not one of my random ideas, otherwise I would have quickly dismissed it as silly. 1. I have never moved out of Riverside. This has always been my home and I love it here. Even the idea of moving somewhere else after college is destabilizing and frightening. 2. Missions I thought I would always support financially not by going, I thought there would be more effective workers out there; "I'm working to be a counselor psychologist I can't evangelize on the front lines, its not my style." Yet that was immediately dismissed because other frontline workers need counseling as well as those who I may witness to. 3. Its not part of the plan. Teddy has been heading up a plan to have the group of us from becuzwecan.com create a neighborhood, stick together our whole lives, and create profitable endeavors in order to affect others positively through the businesses or financially by sponsoring missions. 4. I'm still dirt poor. "How can I afford to go on missions?" God will provide of course, but it is still unsettling because I am going to be in debt as I get out of college most likely so it will take a long to be financially able to go. So right now things with that are up in the air. I have been keeping my eyes peeled for confirmations and have seen some. A friend Megan sent me a verse text randomly from Jeremiah to the effect of "be ready to go wherever  you are needed" (I don't remember the reference >.<). Then I meet a girl Stephanie who will be going into the mission and I can most likely get information off of. Then Johnathan, I meet, and he did a study abroad, which isn't missions but it is a showing of possible avenues.
Things I keep in my mind while having this new directive.
This could simply be a tool temporarily to guide me to a path I need to explore to grow.
It might take a while to be able to go, or it might be soon; I must be a ready worker.
With this plan not "fitting in" to my current plan it will make me have to be bold and strong in how I present it to my friends.
I also am a little worried simply being over excited about missions and wanting to join the bandwagon without being ready.
So with this new more direct purpose in my holster I am more energized because it is something I can work towards. With my current situation it is rare for me to find times to help others because I am simply not around people. With this as well as some other services I have done I am seeing that I am bearing spiritual fruit. It is so wonderful. I feel like I have been dormant for so long perhaps and now as spring comes I have prepared myself by shedding and becoming more balanced, less worried, and ready to listen. My gardening business has gotten work, my spiritual side has gotten work, and my relationship with my dad has been improving. I was worried about the future, (and I knew I shouldn't have been but it was difficult to stop) There are so many things to be grateful for that the hardships of last month seem but a small speck and the future not something to be feared but challenged and the best hoped for. Proverbs 12:25 "Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad." this is so true. This is the happiest I have been in I would say several years. Though I do not see exactly I sense God is working in His perfect timing to guide all of us to where we need to be.

Ugh

A list of bad things;
- Got sick
- Exhausted and don't have much food
- Hibernating instead of eating
- Have a rash so my body is fighting two things and is weakened, medication isn't seeming to help
- Extremely low on cash, and I owe Josh some money
- My car is squeaking badly
- I drained my battery accidently by leaving my lights on (it is fine now but it does weaken the battery)
- Business is doing poor
- Haven't been able to do great in LoL
- Allison broke up with me
- administratively dropped from 3 classes
-  ruminating
- room is a mess along with car
- not having a good outlook
List of good things
- I'm able to play LoL and do okay
- I got new clothes from my mom
- People around me are still helping me
- I got $10 for driving Josh to work today
List of things I have to do
- Car mirror
- Car belt
- Room
- Friendship with Allison
- Work on singing with Cody
- Relieving depression/ stress that I have been having for the past month
- Eat more
- Work on flyer and business in general

Waiting

Its weird how slow time goes. I've gotten to the point where everything is in a fog. I haven't had to think hard and I'm not sure how long it will take my brain to warm back up. It will be nice to get back in school next week. Tackling two classes at a time until graduation is alright but compared to wasted my time at home it seems so much more amazing. Why do I waste my time at home? Because I have such little energy and maybe just need to relax. I'm waiting from the next time for me to talk to people and be social, (yet at the same time I'm dreading it), I'm waiting for school, and I'm waiting for people to respond to me on facebook. All these things will happen I just need to be patient and do my best to relax and yet not waste time.

Update on the New Year

I got sick yesterday and was unable to go to the business meeting today. I think I got sick because I haven't been eating enough and I strained my body going up Mt. Rubidoux. I'm not sure when I will be better. My brother and I semi cleaned our room today. Just now I saw a friends' blog; each day they are throwing something out of their house. I won't do that exactly but it will be exciting to clean a little bit each day. In League of Legends I have been working on the new champion and I have been doing terrible on her, until today. My brother was looking up an item build for Xin Zhao and I used that one on Caitlyn. It worked extremely well because it puts their armor to 0 and I am looking forward to when I can play her again, (hoping for the same results). I drafted tonight at the Porcu's with Andrew. I did well but my brother beat me. I couldn't stay the whole time though because of my health and I have to wake up at 7 tomorrow to mow lawns with Teddy.

As the year closes

This year has been a trip. A lot has happened and sitting here alone at home is a little sad when not looking at the big picture. At the beginning of this year I was at RCC, didn't have a car, and couldn't really think well of Jill. Now as the year closes, I've transferred to CBU, gotten a suburban with bench seats, been able to forgive, worked on several of my relationships, tried alcohol, and had my wisdom teeth removed.

Transferring to CBU was a big step, and it is still scary. I do enjoy the environment though. Every teacher I've had has been at least enjoyable and I have learned in the classes (even though its always hard to remember specifics). I pray that the decision well be well worth it.

The truck; this was a real lesson. So often I want things to stay as they are that I neglect them. The truck was worth the money initially, but since I didn't check the oil regularly although it was leaking having the engine seize was a costly avoidable mistake. It has enjoyable to have and stressful at the same time. And right now as I am low on funds, watching the gas gauge touch on the red has brought me more stress than it should.

Forgiving; you can forget the bad and look at the decent aspects of someone.

Relationships; Cody and I have gotten closer, especially in the past month. With Cody, I have begun to be more open to his views, and have been there to listen. I have also been able to see past WoW; its a game just like Minecraft and the people that bag on him for it do so so often just to feel superior or degrade him. (Sometimes there is the intention to help mixed in.) Also Allison and I have slowly been building a relationship. Sometimes I get to anxious and overthink. She has a job now in Temecula, after months of searching. I hope it is going well for her and I am so glad that she found it after the letdowns before it. I love her and hope as next year progresses that we will grow closer. My mom I have actually spent more time with this year, but the relationship hasn't really gotten better. I'm still the comic relief. And whenever I go over there I get stress and end up not being able to help her to her expectations. This makes her annoyed and makes me not want to go back as much. My dad and I have improved our relationship, me getting the truck enabled us to spend more time together while fixing it, also I have been going to business meetings with him, and I went quading with him once as well as to see his parents this holiday. Joan is still Joan and perhaps I have become even more reclusive in my house because of her.

Alcohol; I have thought about it a lot. I used to think that I by abstaining that I could keep people for overindulging and making themselves sick. After talking to Ben Bell I realize that I can only be in control of it for myself. So I experimented a little I guess, but I still don't like the environment of Kings Cup or Numbers so much. The games aren't that fun and I feel just hanging out and having alcohol on the side for people to get at their discretion would be more fun, and I feel people would drink less overall and therefore lead to the alcohol lasting for more parties.

Wisdom Teeth; they hurt and although I didn't need to take pain pills it was a terrible experience. My mouth only just a week ago feels completely back to normal. Sure it healed before that but it still felt foreign for a long time.

Disappointments of the year .... that I want to improve on.
I have for the past several months been more sad than usual. I hope I'm not depressed but whenever I look towards the future I can't really envision a good one. (The past couple days have improved this slightly though).
I want to have a better relationship with my mother; I disappointed her this Christmas.
Seeing my friends stressed and annoyed (Zac and Cody) and relational issues has caused me to become really stressed. I guess that's normal but I want to be able to be strong for them when they are weak rather than having it so when they lean on me I fall over like a domino with them.
I want to have a closer walk with the Lord. My faith is strong but I am not bringing inspiration or insight to others which is part of my calling. I need to get into the Word more; I wanted to finish the Bible this year but I didn't quite make it.
CBU; I have done well but with scheduling for testing for classes I have kinda dropped the ball.


So for the all you heading into the New Year, have a productive one, stick to your guns. Live at peace with each other, bring harmony, encourage, and respect yourself and those around you, and remember that life must be enjoyed in order to live to one's fullest potential.