As the year closes

This year has been a trip. A lot has happened and sitting here alone at home is a little sad when not looking at the big picture. At the beginning of this year I was at RCC, didn't have a car, and couldn't really think well of Jill. Now as the year closes, I've transferred to CBU, gotten a suburban with bench seats, been able to forgive, worked on several of my relationships, tried alcohol, and had my wisdom teeth removed.

Transferring to CBU was a big step, and it is still scary. I do enjoy the environment though. Every teacher I've had has been at least enjoyable and I have learned in the classes (even though its always hard to remember specifics). I pray that the decision well be well worth it.

The truck; this was a real lesson. So often I want things to stay as they are that I neglect them. The truck was worth the money initially, but since I didn't check the oil regularly although it was leaking having the engine seize was a costly avoidable mistake. It has enjoyable to have and stressful at the same time. And right now as I am low on funds, watching the gas gauge touch on the red has brought me more stress than it should.

Forgiving; you can forget the bad and look at the decent aspects of someone.

Relationships; Cody and I have gotten closer, especially in the past month. With Cody, I have begun to be more open to his views, and have been there to listen. I have also been able to see past WoW; its a game just like Minecraft and the people that bag on him for it do so so often just to feel superior or degrade him. (Sometimes there is the intention to help mixed in.) Also Allison and I have slowly been building a relationship. Sometimes I get to anxious and overthink. She has a job now in Temecula, after months of searching. I hope it is going well for her and I am so glad that she found it after the letdowns before it. I love her and hope as next year progresses that we will grow closer. My mom I have actually spent more time with this year, but the relationship hasn't really gotten better. I'm still the comic relief. And whenever I go over there I get stress and end up not being able to help her to her expectations. This makes her annoyed and makes me not want to go back as much. My dad and I have improved our relationship, me getting the truck enabled us to spend more time together while fixing it, also I have been going to business meetings with him, and I went quading with him once as well as to see his parents this holiday. Joan is still Joan and perhaps I have become even more reclusive in my house because of her.

Alcohol; I have thought about it a lot. I used to think that I by abstaining that I could keep people for overindulging and making themselves sick. After talking to Ben Bell I realize that I can only be in control of it for myself. So I experimented a little I guess, but I still don't like the environment of Kings Cup or Numbers so much. The games aren't that fun and I feel just hanging out and having alcohol on the side for people to get at their discretion would be more fun, and I feel people would drink less overall and therefore lead to the alcohol lasting for more parties.

Wisdom Teeth; they hurt and although I didn't need to take pain pills it was a terrible experience. My mouth only just a week ago feels completely back to normal. Sure it healed before that but it still felt foreign for a long time.

Disappointments of the year .... that I want to improve on.
I have for the past several months been more sad than usual. I hope I'm not depressed but whenever I look towards the future I can't really envision a good one. (The past couple days have improved this slightly though).
I want to have a better relationship with my mother; I disappointed her this Christmas.
Seeing my friends stressed and annoyed (Zac and Cody) and relational issues has caused me to become really stressed. I guess that's normal but I want to be able to be strong for them when they are weak rather than having it so when they lean on me I fall over like a domino with them.
I want to have a closer walk with the Lord. My faith is strong but I am not bringing inspiration or insight to others which is part of my calling. I need to get into the Word more; I wanted to finish the Bible this year but I didn't quite make it.
CBU; I have done well but with scheduling for testing for classes I have kinda dropped the ball.


So for the all you heading into the New Year, have a productive one, stick to your guns. Live at peace with each other, bring harmony, encourage, and respect yourself and those around you, and remember that life must be enjoyed in order to live to one's fullest potential.