Inspiration explained in part

To explain what was talked about last night would be too many words so I will mainly explain the changes planned or occurring. Before the conversation I was down because I was upset at Charles (see a previous post) but not just at him but the world he represents. I felt like human interactions were often not effective and that my influence in the world is so minute that nothing will ever get better. While talking and listening it became evident to me that I should not get anxious over petty squabbles or fret about any situation, remembering where my trust and confidence lies. What needs to happen is action I realize, and the world can change, at least slowly, and that while it is changing I have to be patient. Reading Marcus Aurelius' Mediations solidified the point of patience to me

"Say to yourself in the morning: I shall meet people who are interfering, ungracious, insolent, full of guile, deceitful, and antisocial; they have all become like that because they have no understanding of good and evil. But I who have contemplated the essential beauty of good and the essential ugliness of evil, who know that the nature of the wrongdoer is of one kin with mine- not indeed of the same blood or seed but sharing the same mind, the same portion of the divine, I cannot be harmed by any one of them, and no one can involve me in shame. I cannot feel anger against him who is of my kin, nor hate him. We are born to labor together..." (Book 2 1).

I mean it is simple really, don't be naive or surprised when bad things happen and have an attack plan on life. This plan must be ambitious and flexible, and a plan that won't overly sadden you when you get behind. That was another reason I found I was emotional, because several of my goals may be not attainable now/ are not attainable without having my car operational.  If a plan will not work any longer it will have to be changed to meet the circumstances. Another thing, which my cross country couch Billy York used to say, "Better to shoot for the moon than not at all because even if you miss you will be among the stars." Striving and planning, and jumping into actions are necessary to be successful and productive. I think I am more stable after that realization and once my car is fixed I must make it a priority to follow through with my initiatives.

One thing I am still struggling with is that though I am equipped enough to complete the task before me, I doubt my leadership skills, and the adequacy to be helpful to the ones of love. And I am also pondering how smart I am, but that doesn't really matter its just I used to think "I'm a smart person" and take pride in it; it may be true but is it interesting that I am questioning that at this point.